


better than gold

by kokirane



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M, it's jj's birthday and yuri decides to be a sap, they're in love and life is good!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-21 10:36:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14913785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kokirane/pseuds/kokirane
Summary: Yuri lets his hand rest where JJ used to be, traces the dips and crumples, and lets his lips curl into a faint smile.





	better than gold

When Yuri wakes up, JJ’s side of the bed is already cold. Yuri lets his hand rest where JJ used to be, traces the dips and crumples, and lets his lips curl into a faint smile.

Even on his fucking birthday, JJ isn’t about to slow down. Not that Yuri would either -- he’s taken on two new students this week, even with the recital coming up. He’ll get them in shape, think of Lilia, and remember to breathe. 

He climbs out of bed and stretches, lets his gaze rove over the photos on their wall. By tonight, they’ll have one to mark JJ’s thirtieth birthday. 

JJ’s always been a whirlwind, and Yuri knows he should just get over it already, but somehow, each day with JJ doesn’t feel like enough.  _ Five years _ with JJ isn’t enough. When he thinks of JJ, it’s always the night they got together that comes to mind first, bleeding into JJ’s proposing, into their wedding, and then their descent into a life together. 

He really can’t believe that they’ve gone from podium to altar to  _ here _ , a crisp July morning with sunlight and JJ’s singing filtering into the room, and that they’re still going forward. That it’s already been so long but nothing at all at the same time -- nothing compared to  _ the rest of their lives.  _ Yuri didn’t use to be one for forever, but he feels giddiness creep through his veins. He finishes his stretches, brushes his teeth, combs his hair, and then begins his mission. JJ’s singing -- something between The Theme of King JJ and the Happy Birthday song -- leads him to the kitchen, and if Yuri could roll his eyes any harder, he would, but he kind of likes looking at JJ’s ass as he dances around, scraping omelets and bacon onto two plates. Yuri snaps a couple photos before saying, “Hey.”

“Hmm?” JJ says, throwing a cheeky grin over his shoulder. “What was that?” 

“I said hey,” Yuri says, lips twitching. He keeps his laughter in, though, as JJ pouts exaggeratedly. 

“I was going to bring you breakfast in bed!” 

“Hey,” Yuri repeats, finally allowing himself to break into a grin, “happy birthday, dumbass.” 

“I’m swooning.” JJ grins back, swoops in to soundly kiss Yuri’s cheek. “Happy birthday to me! I’ve taken my first gift of the day.” 

Yuri shoves him away, pinching JJ’s cheek as he tries to kiss his fingers. “Ugh, fuck,  _ please  _ shave today. You’re overdue.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” JJ says, handing Yuri his plate. “So, what do you wanna do today before the dinner?” 

Yuri raises his eyebrows. “What do  _ you  _ want to do?”

“Well, Maman and Papa coming over for a bit,” JJ says, checking his phone to make sure. “At like, three? Nolwenn and Julian will call some point today. Beka and Leo texted, so there’s that--”

“J,” Yuri says, amused. “What do you want to  _ do?”  _

“I dunno,” JJ says, seems to deflate a bit. “I know I said I wanted to go all out, but I kind of don’t believe it? Remember when we told Viktor he was gonna go bald? What if my hair thins?” 

“He’s still not bald, the bastard,” Yuri mutters. “But neither are we, and that’s all that counts. Your hair isn’t thinning, so shut up.”

“I still think Viktor wears a wig.”

“Chris already tried putting his hands through it,” Yuri says. “It’s hair.”

“Fuck him.” 

“You’ll adjust,” Yuri admonishes. “Don’t be a baby. Thirty’s the new twenty-one or whatever.” 

“I just need a minute,” JJ whines. “I think I’m like, twenty, in my head, falling in love with Yuri Plisetsky for the first time.” 

“Dumbass,” Yuri says fondly. He’s heard the story enough times to know it by heart, now. 

(To their friends: _ I’d just messed up my ankle, right, and guess fucking who shows up to my hotel room to cuss me out? Yuri Plisetsky, minus knife shoes, very important detail, and that’s probably the only reason I asked him to stay and watch movies with me. I was miserable, I didn’t know if I’d compete ever again, and he still hung out with me, you know? And we just hit it off after that, like, really slow but it was kinda perfect every step of the way. _

To Yuri: _ I wanted you to stay for the rest of my life.)  _

“You really made me wait,” JJ says softly, reaching to squeeze Yuri’s hand. Yuri squeezes back. 

“Worth it,” Yuri says, and JJ laughs. 

“Today,” JJ decides, “I just want to be with you. When’s the last time we took a day off for ourselves?”

“Last Saturday,” Yuri says immediately. “You really haven’t thought about what you want to do?”

“I’ve been busy! Maybe I was expecting you to surprise me,” JJ huffs. Yuri pushes JJ’s bangs back and kisses his forehead, trying to hide his smile against JJ’s skin. 

_ So he really doesn’t have any idea.  _

“Remember when you told me your ideal day?” Yuri says instead. “Let’s do that.” 

JJ frowns. “How’re we gonna skate, have a concert, visit an animal shelter, visit my kids, visit your kids, see my family -- well, we’re already doing that--”

“One thing at a time,” Yuri interrupts. “Animal shelter. Let’s go.” 

“Maybe we should get a cat this time.” JJ’s eyes light up and he turns to Yuri excitedly. “Whaddaya think?” 

“I think you should go shave, and that we should think about it on the way there.” Yuri pushes at JJ’s stubbled cheek. He feels a familiar twinge in his chest; He still misses Potya, but he and JJ have talked about adopting another pet pretty casually. They haven’t specified  _ what, _ though. “Shower with me.” 

“We washing your hair?” JJ hums. There’s a twinkle in his eye as he settles into Yuri’s lap, brushes Yuri’s hair behind his ear. Yuri leans up and JJ leans in, and their lips meet in a slow, comfortable kiss.  

Since Yuri first let JJ touch his hair, JJ had taken it upon himself to learn everything about maintaining it. What hair dye was best (spurred on by a time Yuri preferred  _ not _ to think about -- he’d dyed his hair a brassy orange), what to comb it with and how, how to curl it, what Yuri’s favorites brands were -- somehow, it was helping others that brought JJ the greatest happiness. Drawing back to look at JJ’s boyish excitement, Yuri says, “If you want.” 

“Always, princess,” JJ says, ducking his head in a mock bow. He presses a kiss to Yuri’s chest, adding, “As you wish.” 

“Shut up,” Yuri chides. “You’re the birthday boy. Be a little selfish.”

“I’m a  _ man, _ ” JJ exclaims. “And I  _ am _ being selfish. You’re being extra nice to me and I’m gonna run with it.”

“Oh?” Yuri says. “Am I? Alright then, birthday bitch, consider the spell broken tomorrow. I’ll make your life hell.”

“Noo,” JJ whines. “You can’t make it any worse than it already is!” 

“Fuck you, I make your life amazing.” Yuri runs his thumb over deep laugh lines etched in JJ’s face. “Let’s get going before your back gives out.” 

“Low blow,” JJ whistles. “I’m only thirty! I’m not going anywhere.”

“See?” Yuri sticks out his tongue. “Thirty’s not bad. You said it yourself.” 

JJ rocks off him, laughing, and does a excited little shimmy. “Let’s go shower, eh?” 

“All these years, and you’re still a headass.”

“All these years, and you’re still a bitch.” JJ says sagely, and dashes away as Yuri runs after him. 

He’s ambushed by JJ as he turns the corner, and they tumble onto the couch, laughing and shoving at each other until they start to wheeze. They sit there, leveling their breathing, before breaking into sputtering laughter again. 

“I’m happy you were born today,” Yuri says abruptly, and  _ fuck,  _ time’s really doing a number on him. Or JJ’s smile. Maybe both. Probably both. 

“That we can sit here and laugh like this is pretty amazing, isn’t it?” JJ says, and Yuri’s thankful that JJ doesn’t make it a too big of deal, lets the paralyzing moment pass him by. It’s not that Yuri doesn’t want to say he loves JJ, or that he doesn’t, but sometimes, it just gets to be too much for him and he doesn't know what to do. Doesn't know what to believe. 

JJ’s hand passes over his own, golden sun eclipsing pale moon, and Yuri links their fingers together. 

For a moment, there’s quiet. Then JJ’s soft humming begins to fill the air as he swings their hands together, letting go only when Yuri shifts into his lap and puts his head on his shoulder. Yuri looks up, places a soft kiss to JJ’s cheek, to the corner of his lips. Yuri can’t help but cling, not when JJ holds him like a fucking treasure and strokes his thighs slowly, adoringly, without looking away, letting Yuri burn in the warmth of his gaze. A thrill shoots up his body; he loops his arms around JJ and melts into him. 

“You’re so beautiful,” JJ murmurs, lips in the hollow of Yuri’s neck. Yuri chases after him, captures JJ’s bottom lip and tugs. Years ago, drunk and young and all out of fucks, they’d gotten matching inner lip tattoos. If they had been Viktor and Yuuri, one of them would’ve definitely picked ‘life’ and one would’ve picked ‘love’ or something like that. But JJ and Yuri? They’d picked ‘gold.’ The tattoos have faded completely now, the pink of JJ’s mouth utterly flawless, but Yuri still likes remembering it.

_ Together, we’re better than gold.  _

JJ’s eyes crinkle at the edges, as if he can tell what Yuri’s thinking. Honestly, he’s gotten a pretty good grasp of Yuri’s moods, so Yuri wouldn’t be too surprised. What  _ is  _ surprising, though, is the words that fucking leave him. Traitors. 

“I have something for you.” 

“Oh?” JJ perks up. 

He could lie, but with the way JJ’s looking at him, pale blue-gray peering up through his dark eyelashes, Yuri thinks  _ fuck the surprise.  _

“Wait here,” he says shakily, because even though he’s been preparing for this all week, he’s still not ready. He slides off, hastily makes his way to the bedroom, and gets his notecards. When he pads back over to the couch, JJ is raptly waiting. 

“So,” Yuri says, “because you’re an attention-loving fuck, and there’s no way we’re going to be lowkey on your thirtieth birthday, I… did something for you that you’ve always done for me. I was going to read these at dinner tonight, but I kind of want to tell you now.” 

“Okay,” JJ says, and he pats the space next to him, but Yuri shakes his head. With a deep breath, he begins. 

“Here are thirty things I love about you. I love that you taught me to talk to you.” Yuri’s thin fingers are bending the edges of the paper. JJ’s dark hair and tanned skin is hovering in his periphery, but Yuri keeps his gaze firmly fixed on the words  _ talk/communication _ scrawled on the paper. 

“Mouthy brat,” JJ says fondly, clearly surprised but going along with it, “you don’t need help talking at all.” 

“I mean that, when we had our Cold War, when all I did was ice you out, you worked with me,” Yuri explains. 

“Hey.” JJ’s gaze softens. “I got mad too.”

“But you didn’t give up. You didn’t leave. You helped me get the words out, even if they’re awkward. You still helped me. That’s what I’m trying to say. That brings me to my second point.” Yuri exhales slowly. He’s going to be a mess by the end of this.

“I love how dedicated you are. When I was visiting you -- I don’t remember which trip, sorry, uh, fuck, I guess it doesn’t matter, but it was a surprise, and you had a charity concert? Like, those casual ones you did, and I said it would be fine if we spent a couple more minutes it bed, you could be a bit late. But you wouldn’t hear it, and I don’t know if I told you then, but that really fucking impressed me, JJ. You weren’t about to turn your back on anyone, or me. When I went with you, saw you perform, it was like seeing you for the first time. Not -- not the actual first time, but seeing who you really were? You commit to things with a fucking fire, J. You learned Russian for me--” 

“You learned French for me,” JJ interrupts, looking like he wants get up and grab Yuri. He’s practically vibrating in his seat; a grin curls his lips. 

“This isn’t a contest,” Yuri says, but a smile twists his words, and he adds, “Don’t ruin the one time I make something about you.”

“Okay, okay,” JJ agrees, holding his hands up in surrender. “Go on.”  

“But that’s another thing,” Yuri continues. “Even when I fucking hated your guts, when I wanted to crush you under my skates --”

“Not sparing any words there,” JJ jokes, and Yuri shoots him a look.

“Even back then,” Yuri says louder, “you included me. You were awkward as hell, but that’s what you were doing when you said we’d stand on the podium together. Yeah, it took us a while to get on the right foot, and since then, you’ve never made me feel like I was alone.” 

“Yuri,” JJ says, “as if I could ever leave you alone.” 

Yuri snorts. “Your skating. I wanted to hate it, because you’d swipe gold from me, but what made you a threat is that you earned it. You love skating and you put your all on the ice, and you did that with your music career, with all your companies, with your students, with me. You do your best. And with skating, yeah, you _have_ to, we all do, but --” Yuri struggles against the lump in his throat, to free the words pressed underneath. “Like I said. It goes beyond that with you. I love watching you teach. It’s like time hasn’t passed at all with you, and I really don’t want it to. It’s cliche as all hell, but our pair skate was something really… special to me. Yeah, I know Viktor and Katsudon did it first, but we’ve always done things our way, and I think that’s when I really got to see how you skate up close. You were skating for _me,_ and no matter how early and how late we practiced, you fucking shone. The ice became a stage we could share, and -- this is really cheesy, okay, but it’s your birthday, so it doesn’t count -- it was impossible to feel cold if I was skating with you. When I used to tape your performances -- I don’t have to pretend it was just about competition anymore. You were born for the ice.” 

“Babe,” JJ whispers, pushes his palms at his eyes. “You really kill me, you know?” 

“I know,” Yuri says. He clears his throat and flips to the next notecard, trying to read through his blurring vision. “And we shared… everything. Staying up late. Gym routines. Playlists. Cats. Fuck, I don’t know how to say this, but -- you shared your time with me? You pushed me to go to therapy. When we separated and didn’t talk because you couldn’t take it--”

Yuri stops, his throat tightening. He takes a deep, shuddering breath, and they’re both crying quietly. 

“Come sit with me, Yuri,” JJ says, reaches out. Yuri settles in slowly next to him and continues, gazes at the teardrops falling on his notecards, blurring the blue ink. 

“I wasn’t skating,” Yuri says softly. “We were both done skating, so it was pretty easy to hide. I was alone and I wasn’t the Russian Fairy or the Russian Punk or whatever, and I had to figure out who Yuri Plisetsky was underneath all that, and how he was gonna get his boyfriend back. I knew I’d be fine without you, eventually, you know, but -- I didn’t want to be.”

JJ chuckles weakly, resting his forehead against Yuri’s shoulder. “Greedy little shit.” 

“You too,” Yuri says. “You did the same for me, didn’t you?”

“We mellowed out,” JJ murmurs, reaching over to put his arm around Yuri. “And you’ve more than made up for it.” 

“Yeah,” Yuri agrees. “We just wanted someone to notice we were there. But you kept pushing yourself. I know I’ve said this before, but I’ll never stop being sorry for making it hard for you.” 

JJ gives a little laugh. “Don’t be sorry about making me hard, babe.” 

“Oi, isn’t it time to retire that joke?” 

“Nah,” JJ says, a little breathless. “What’s the next card?”

The next card reads  _ holidays.  _

“Before you, I didn’t really understand the hype about holidays. There’s that idea that you’re supposed to be with your special someone, and I didn’t have someone like that until you. I’m not saying you need a partner or you’ll fucking die. You can be your own partner, or you can get a dog or something. It’s whatever. But for me, seeing you putting in so much effort -- nobody had ever done that for me until you.” Yuri lets himself smile faintly. “Even if we were apart.” 

“I remember our first white Christmas together,” JJ says gleefully. “You were so cute in your ugly sweater.” 

“No thanks to the sweater,” Yuri says. “Anyway. Next card.” He flips it to show JJ, who dutifully reads out, “LDR.” 

“We took a chance with each other. We still had our careers, we were on different sides of the world, fighting time, ourselves -- we had so many fucking things going on. Half the time, it doesn’t even feel real. But we made it: we stayed together, and we climbed the podium even with your shitty knee. We became ‘official,’ or whatever” Yuri says with a grimace, makes quotation marks in the air, “but it started before that. Like, years before that, when we were just hanging out after competitions, and then we ended up flying to see each other. I knew something was happening, but I didn’t know what. We were in a clusterfuck of a long-distance relationship, and if I ever doubted us, or what we doing, you always made it okay.”

“Hey,” JJ says softly, completely unable to help himself. “I didn’t do it alone.” 

“You did the most,” Yuri admonishes, flips another card. “It took me time to catch up to you. I didn’t know how to be a friend at all, even with Beka helping me. You were fucking awkward as hell, and you were still an amazing friend. I was jealous at how easily you threw yourself at people. It was so weird for me to make friends, and it seemed so easy for you. I saw you get hurt, but it never stopped you for too long.” 

“Beka helping you is like the blind leading the blind.” 

Yuri pokes JJ with the next index card with a scowl. “ _ Anyway.  _ This one is selfish. But when you’re sad, you come to me. And I can’t believe it. That I can put a smile back on your face just makes me really, really happy. You make me feel like your home.” 

His voice cracks. JJ’s rubbing his eyes again. It makes Yuri’s heart pound even now, seeing JJ’s wobbling smile, and he steadies himself and continues. “I love that whenever we fight, I always end up thinking, ‘I don’t want to lose you.’ I don’t want to lose what we have. Of all things, you and I fell into a fucking routine. We walk in the mornings. We go to the rink on Saturdays even when you’re not teaching. I always thought I’d hate life after skating, but -- I don’t. Neither of us are perfect, but we still make it work. I got teased for my temper -- yeah, no shit, it’s not like I don’t know why -- and there was some other stuff, so somewhere along the line, I just assumed I wouldn’t fit with anyone. You were definitely the last person on my mind, but you showed me that love didn’t mean giving up gold. It wasn’t this weird strangling of my identity. Yeah, I had to think about planning my life around us, but I wanted to. You made me want to spend the rest of my life with you. When you sang about why you loved me, why you wanted to marry me on the goddamn ice, I couldn’t say anything. And I kind of remembered what I wanted to say, so if I could go back and do more than just cry, I’d say this. You remember the little stupid things even though you’re off being a hurricane. When I was visiting, you always had a really big container of orange juice. You bought me the little bottles on the morning of tournaments, because you knew it woke me up in the mornings. You send me pictures of random things that remind you of something. You haven’t missed any of my kids’ recitals, and you always brings a bouquet for every single one of them. I don’t know how you do it, but you juggle it all.” 

He takes a breath, clears his throat. “You’re so fucking talented. When I was trying to plan out these notecards, it reminded me of how you’d always just run over like, ‘Yuri, I wrote this song about you!’ How?! Do you even know how long it took me do this? I’m not gonna say cause it’s really embarrassing, but I’ll admit I’ve got newfound respect and a lot of crumpled notecards.”

"You saying it's hard to say what you love about me?" JJ teases. "Should I be hurt?" 

"I'm just not good with words like you are." Yuri pokes JJ's cheek, wrinkles his nose at the stubble there. "Please shave after this." 

“I will,” JJ says, reaching out and squeezing Yuri’s free hand. "You can't distract me, though. I wanna see your drafts after this too." 

Yuri huffs but throws JJ a quick smile, shows him the next card. “You want to read this one?” 

“It’s a drawing of a sun.” JJ’s brow furrows. “For my sunny disposition?” 

“I love that you inspire people,” Yuri says gently. “You have that kind of power. You inspire me. You’ve never been anything but honest even with that pretty boy face. You’ve kept all your promises to me and that’s something I always wanted but never seemed to get until you. So thank you.”

It's something he's finally made peace with, and things  _are_ different now with Viktor, but Yuri will never forget that JJ was the first. How can he, when JJ looks at him the way he does? When now,  JJ lifts their linked hands, presses a kiss to Yuri’s knuckles. “You deserve the world, princess.” 

Yuri doesn’t bother fighting the grin on his lips as he goes on.  **“** I loved the rush that came with meeting you. Traveling with you. Even when we started exploring cities after competitions, you looked up everything and made sure we did, like, eighty percent of what was around. We had tired feet and so many goddamn pictures. I don’t need pictures to remember laughing with you, though.” 

“I was just trying to extend our lives together,” JJ jokes. “You think it worked?” 

“I want forever with you,” Yuri says, feeling a flush spread across his body as he says it. “I like waking up with you. Being in love with you is a cliche, Leroy, but fuck it, because I finally know what being happy is.” 

“Babe,” JJ says. “Stop. But don’t. But I’m blushing!” 

“It’s a good look on you,” Yuri says primly. “Okay, here are the last couple ones. I like how spontaneous you are. You booked surprise flights to see me. We went cliff diving with our shitty knees and it was worth it. We would never need a movie soundtrack because we have your singing. You sing me to sleep, an’ when I wake up, when you wanna dance. You just fill this house with music. The first time I saw you in concert, and how you keep that feeling going each and every time. Fifty percent of that feeling came from your energy, the rest from your leather pants. Because what would this list be without your looks?” 

JJ laughs. “We  _ are  _ the best looking couple in the world.” 

Fondly, Yuri says, “So that brings me to my next point. You’re proud to be with me, and I’m proud to be with you. It made coming out… not easy, but I knew we were worth it.” 

“We’re golden,” JJ interjects, and laughs again when Yuri flaps the stack of cards at him. 

“You always find something to be happy about in your day,” Yuri says. “I admit that I like the days where it’s me best, and I don’t think I’ve told you this, but just hearing how positive you are made me try that too. And sometimes you’re my answer. A lot of fucking times, really. When I had to take a year off, you came to stay with me. You’d already retired, otherwise I would’ve killed you, and at first you were so damn annoying. You hovered all the time, but like everything else, you learned. You gave me space. You shut up when I needed to cry and just held me. You knew what I needed before I did. Since then, I’ve never had to doubt you being there. Even when we fought and I said stupid things, I knew I could get away with it. I knew if I pushed you’d push back but you wouldn’t go. That probably wasn’t fair of me at all, but I can say I’m different now. I deserve you.”

JJ gives a tiny nod. “You are. You do.” 

“Last ones, so let me talk.” Yuri knocks his shoulder against JJ’s and stays there, head against his shoulder. “Our late nights together, when we stayed up late talking even if we had practice. I don’t know how we didn’t realize how fucked we were back then.  I like how you still act like a fucking kid sometimes. You build pillow forts for your nephews and nieces. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anybody be so happy about playing Santa Claus or babysitting or anything. It doesn’t feel like we’re getting older. Just getting better. And last one for real, you ready?” 

JJ nods quickly, almost like a bobblehead. Yuri smiles and quietly says,  “I love that you love me, and that I can keep loving you for as long as you’ll let me. You’ve always pushed me to my best and I wouldn’t want to give that to anyone else. Happy birthday, JJ.” 

“I love you.” JJ’s arms wrap around Yuri and he’s pulled in tight, his face buried against JJ’s chest. “I love you so much, Yuri.” 

“Love you more.”

“It’s not a competition!”

“Isn’t it always a competition with us?” Yuri peers up, presses a kiss to JJ’s chin. “Did you like the surprise?” 

“I loved it,” JJ says, “and I loved you. And love you, present tense, and future tense, and all future possible potential reincarnations.” 

“Who’s the mouthy brat now?” Yuri teases.

“Still you,” JJ grins. “I love you, Yuri Plisetsky. I know you said you’re lucky to have me, but I really, really can’t believe that  _ I _ have  _ you.  _ I’m going to keep saying this ‘till the end of time _. _ ” 

“And you’ll always have me. So here’s to more fucking craziness,” Yuri promises. “Us against the world. Level thirty.” 

“Level thirty,” JJ agrees, and kisses his hair. 

**Author's Note:**

> very... very belated happy birthday to JJ. finished up this wip today thanks to wonderful, wonderful friends of mine! this one's for y'all.


End file.
